My 12-Year-Old Self Was On To Something

I am sure most of you have seen those posts saying “Your 20’s are for re-discovering your passions from when you were 12 and realising that you were on to something” and to be honest, I think that is incredibly true. 

This is something I have come to recognise more than ever as I found myself coming out of university and leaving my job to try and make something of myself.

To be stuck in this limbo and struggling to keep it together as you try to navigate not only the job market for the first time but also life, is something I am sure many of the people reading this have experienced or are currently experiencing right now. If it can provide any solace at all, you are most definitely not alone. 

For me personally, during high school I slowly lost touch with a lot of the things I actually enjoyed simply because I thought I needed to outgrow them to change as a person but I have found now that there was a reason I enjoyed these things.

For me it wasn’t necessarily bullying or pressure from others that made me change and lose touch, but more just my personal development with myself. It is 100% okay to fade out of your interests and find new ones and obviously there are some things that I probably would not like 10 years in the future, but I am prepared to be proven wrong. (However, a 12-year-old with unregulated access to the internet will find anything and everything out there to watch.)

Sometimes things from your past can reinvigorate how you felt at the time you discovered it or even while it was a part of your life and I think it is important that you listen to those feelings, even if it is the strangest thing that ignites it.

For me, I found that Dan and Phil recently announcing their big news and coming back into the public eye has reignited my love for their videos. I remember all my favourites and I can go back and view them any time I like. While obviously Dan and Phil are not a part of me as a person, their influence on my life was massive and their reintroduction into my regular rotation of Youtube viewing has allowed me to find a part of myself that I think I lost in about 2018 following the Interactive Introverts Tour. 

Personally I would say that this experience for me feels like going back in time to find my timeline year. Where did I make decisions that completely shifted my world? In my last and first ever post, about why I wanted to start writing in the first place and why I felt like now was the time, I explained that in 2022 I had a meeting with my personal tutor that set me on my path for the next 3 years. To me, that was a timeline moment.

I also shared that maybe I am wrong. But something I am desperately trying to learn on my own is that I can be wrong, and it’s not wrong to be wrong.

The reason I have decided now is the time for me to try and strike this opportunity for myself is because of this self re-discovery. I have ALWAYS been interested in art, which is why I obviously felt it was my path. However, often overlooked is that I have also ALWAYS been interested in the media. Which is why I mentioned Dan and Phil earlier and why it makes sense that I would have had those 2 options for my university degree. Maybe I just took a 50/50 shot and missed? Or maybe I was right on the money the whole time? Who knows…

And to be very clear, I am not giving up on art. I still love it with all my heart and will continue to create and try make it work when I can, but it was time to try something else. I think trying to turn your hobbies into your career is a step that is a lot harder than it might seem, and I believe that is where the doubt creeps in.

To be honest I am very aware that taking this turn is a massive risk but I guess I will never know if I don’t try it out. So here I am trying.

Holly, Maybe?

xx

Thank you so much once again for reading my waffling, I promise that as I learn more about this and what exactly I want to write about it will improve and one day you can brag to your parents that you read insightful and interesting blogs.

Once again, as a reward, here is a photo of maple.